1 00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:21,543 FITZ, NARRATING: Some things are timeless: 2 00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:24,328 sharkskin soup, killer Sinatra, 3 00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:27,549 a perfectly chilled martini, to name but a few. 4 00:00:27,549 --> 00:00:31,248 Some things in this world are made to last. 5 00:00:31,248 --> 00:00:33,598 They're first rate, top shelf. 6 00:00:33,598 --> 00:00:38,038 You know, classic. 7 00:00:39,169 --> 00:00:41,171 Let's not mince words here. 8 00:00:41,171 --> 00:00:43,869 Oh, fuck, Larry. 9 00:00:43,869 --> 00:00:47,047 Ugh. 10 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,092 I, Richard Fitzpatrick, 11 00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:51,138 am worthy of the "classic" distinction. 12 00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:53,140 [Knocking on door] 13 00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:56,360 So blow me, prophecy of doom. 14 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,059 Classic shit endures. 15 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,104 It's indestructible. 16 00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:03,759 And it needs to take a piss. 17 00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:09,808 [Groaning] 18 00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:16,119 Yeah, this Fitzy's meant to last. 19 00:01:16,119 --> 00:01:18,295 Just like my morning woody. 20 00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:26,086 ♪ 21 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,262 Grey? 22 00:01:28,262 --> 00:01:29,437 Oh! 23 00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:32,396 Ugh! 24 00:01:32,396 --> 00:01:35,138 Oh, Richard. 25 00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:36,661 [Fizzing] 26 00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:40,056 FITZ: Oh, fuck, turn that down. 27 00:01:40,056 --> 00:01:45,017 ♪ 28 00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:46,889 ♪ Without you 29 00:01:46,889 --> 00:01:51,198 ♪ I find my smile 30 00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:53,765 ♪ Without you 31 00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:56,246 ♪ I won by a mile ♪ 32 00:01:56,246 --> 00:01:58,683 ♪ Without you 33 00:01:58,683 --> 00:02:02,383 ♪ Oh life would be so grand ♪ 34 00:02:02,383 --> 00:02:04,341 ♪ Without you 35 00:02:04,341 --> 00:02:06,561 ♪ I'm half a man 36 00:02:06,561 --> 00:02:10,173 ♪ Without you 37 00:02:13,263 --> 00:02:17,224 ♪ Without you... 38 00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:22,142 ♪ Without you 39 00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:27,625 [Mouthing] 40 00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:28,626 DOT: Hair dye. 41 00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:31,020 Someone's feeling his age. 42 00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:33,153 Age doesn't matter, unless you're a broad. 43 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,677 Charm and experience, that's what counts. 44 00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:37,766 And I've got lots of experience, kitten. 45 00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:39,115 [Clicking tongue] 46 00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:42,727 Yes, and it's tragic that someone so seasoned 47 00:02:42,727 --> 00:02:44,425 will never amount to anything. 48 00:02:44,425 --> 00:02:46,992 Penniless, no land 49 00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:49,081 for your cheesy dream lounge, 50 00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:50,300 and so repellent to women 51 00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:52,650 that even that doormat you called a girlfriend 52 00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:55,000 has finally abandoned you. 53 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,829 Can we just fuck and get rid of all this tension? 54 00:02:57,829 --> 00:03:01,572 Mm, ask not for whom the bell tolls. 55 00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:05,315 It tolls for thee, 56 00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:07,578 Richard Fitzpatrick. 57 00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:11,016 No. 58 00:03:11,016 --> 00:03:12,017 Boo! 59 00:03:12,017 --> 00:03:13,628 Wow. 60 00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:14,716 [Exhaling strongly] 61 00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:16,761 Richard, ageing is all about stress. 62 00:03:16,761 --> 00:03:20,461 So I've enrolled you in a restorative yoga class. 63 00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:22,637 There's an easy-does-it one at 6:00. 64 00:03:22,637 --> 00:03:24,247 Can't. Last-minute plans. 65 00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:26,118 Richard, you need to take this seriously. 66 00:03:26,118 --> 00:03:28,164 While ageing is generally a natural process, 67 00:03:28,164 --> 00:03:30,079 with your impending death date looming, 68 00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:32,255 I fear that your decay has somehow sped up. 69 00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:33,865 How are your gums? Any shrinkage? 70 00:03:33,865 --> 00:03:35,127 Ah! 71 00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:36,955 You want to know the secret to staying young? 72 00:03:36,955 --> 00:03:38,130 The three Bs. 73 00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:41,221 Booze, boards and a really nice suit. 74 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,093 Oh, Dexter Laine. 75 00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:45,616 Yeah, the last man alive 76 00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:48,228 who supposedly might have hung out with the Rat Pack. 77 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,099 Fourteen marriages, three heart attacks. 78 00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:51,535 Been on the road since he was 15. 79 00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:54,277 Oh, Larry, if the seats in his tour bus could talk, 80 00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:57,062 they'd be saying, "Hey, look, Dexter's fucking again!" 81 00:03:57,062 --> 00:03:58,716 Well, I would think, Richard, 82 00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:01,110 that Dexter Laine is a little bit past that phase of his life. 83 00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:02,111 Bullshit. 84 00:04:02,111 --> 00:04:03,460 That bus is a rolling shrine 85 00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,157 to the teachings of Frank and the apostles. 86 00:04:05,157 --> 00:04:08,552 Oh, Richard, this is actually better 87 00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:11,294 than a Sanskrit metaphysical journey of self-discovery. 88 00:04:11,294 --> 00:04:14,645 Dexter Laine is what you need to keep yourself feeling young. 89 00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:17,039 A positive influence for ageing gracefully. 90 00:04:17,039 --> 00:04:19,433 Please, guy's got more plastic-surgery scars 91 00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:20,956 than my mom's tits. 92 00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:22,479 You want to know the secret to staying young? 93 00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:23,480 Being rich. 94 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,874 In experience? 95 00:04:25,874 --> 00:04:26,875 No, dip-shit. 96 00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,311 From a celebrity endorsement. 97 00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:29,921 Think about it. 98 00:04:29,921 --> 00:04:31,401 Dex Laine, me, sharing the marquee 99 00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:33,142 at the Summer Wind Lounge. 100 00:04:33,142 --> 00:04:34,230 Investors will be lining up. 101 00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:35,840 It will be money in the bank. 102 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,016 Isn't Dexter Laine a solo act? 103 00:04:38,016 --> 00:04:40,236 Everyone needs a crew, baby. 104 00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:45,154 Ah. 105 00:04:45,154 --> 00:04:51,073 ♪ 106 00:04:51,073 --> 00:04:54,511 She's obviously obsessed with me. 107 00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:56,078 What? Who? 108 00:04:56,078 --> 00:04:57,384 Dot, you moron. 109 00:04:57,384 --> 00:05:01,344 It's a very complex sexual game we're playing. 110 00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:03,955 Cat and mouse, predator and prey. 111 00:05:03,955 --> 00:05:05,609 Penis and vagina. 112 00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:07,176 Too bad she's already got a boyfriend, though. 113 00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:09,831 What? Who? You? 114 00:05:09,831 --> 00:05:12,486 Yeah, we do things. 115 00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:14,749 I mean, it's not holding hands and making pipe bombs, 116 00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:16,098 but it's almost as good. 117 00:05:16,098 --> 00:05:20,929 Josh, one blow job does not a girlfriend make. 118 00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:25,194 There's been at least two. 119 00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:30,199 6:00 p.m. explosion of ageing crooner awesome! 120 00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:31,200 Yeah! 121 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:35,683 Get in the car. Okay. 122 00:05:35,683 --> 00:05:36,814 Not you, Josh. 123 00:05:36,814 --> 00:05:38,163 It's business. 124 00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:39,817 I'm business. I'm all types of business. 125 00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:41,210 Yeah, I know you're all types of business. 126 00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:42,994 That's why I need you here on standby. 127 00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:43,995 [Scoffing] 128 00:05:43,995 --> 00:05:46,084 Plan B kicks in; you're my guy. 129 00:05:46,084 --> 00:05:47,434 Plan B? Yeah. 130 00:05:47,434 --> 00:05:48,652 Holy shit. 131 00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:50,175 Eyes on Dot. Not one word. 132 00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:51,176 Not one word. Yeah. 133 00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:52,917 Lips are sealed, bro. 134 00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:54,876 Yeah. 135 00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,356 Get in! Yeah! 136 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,358 [Slot machines clicking] 137 00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:02,274 WOMAN: Oh, Mr. Laine! 138 00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:04,102 MAN: Mr. Laine! Come on over!! 139 00:06:04,102 --> 00:06:05,190 Thank you, baby. Thank you, darling. 140 00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:06,191 Dexter loves you. 141 00:06:06,191 --> 00:06:08,846 Thank you. Love you people. 142 00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:10,457 Thank you. 143 00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,067 Hey, you got those tickets I gave you? Yeah. 144 00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:13,547 Richard, the fact that you are including me 145 00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:15,200 in this pilgrimage to see your idol-- 146 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:19,422 I am one of your pack, the Fitz Blitz, baby! Yeah! Yeah! 147 00:06:19,422 --> 00:06:21,598 Man up, will you? Fuck. 148 00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:22,643 Hey, where are you going? 149 00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:24,296 See if we can get backstage. 150 00:06:24,296 --> 00:06:26,037 Oh. 151 00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:28,213 Hey, see that tall guy back there? 152 00:06:28,213 --> 00:06:30,172 He tried to sell me some counterfeit tickets. 153 00:06:30,172 --> 00:06:31,869 He's got some beef with Dex. 154 00:06:31,869 --> 00:06:35,830 He said he was trying to cash in or something. I-- 155 00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:38,006 Oh, Richard. 156 00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:39,573 Counterfeit tickets copying is fraud, son. 157 00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:41,444 It's a funny story, actually. Think-- 158 00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:44,186 Ah. Think, "Spooky death prophecy meets grey pubic hair," 159 00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:45,056 and then you'll-- 160 00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:55,110 ♪ 161 00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:05,860 Cousin. Cousin! 162 00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:07,122 Huh? 163 00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:08,123 It's time we had a talk, huh? 164 00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:09,646 I am unable to go on this way. 165 00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:11,735 This is not the time for guilt. 166 00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,476 My music gives me great joy. 167 00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:14,869 Hey, not the music! 168 00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:16,348 Our hip and happening bachelor pad 169 00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:19,264 has been desecrated by that Fitzpatrick she-devil. 170 00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:21,789 Shh. 171 00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,834 Cousin, think of the fun times we used to have, huh? 172 00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:25,532 Do you remember we used to fast so long; 173 00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:27,577 we'd start to hallucinate? 174 00:07:27,577 --> 00:07:29,013 Those were crazy, crazy times! Yeah! 175 00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:32,190 I cannot keep living that debauched life. 176 00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:34,323 - What is he doing here? - I don't know. 177 00:07:34,323 --> 00:07:35,672 You leave me no choice. 178 00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:38,196 I invoke the Pashtun Valley ritual of-- 179 00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:39,807 [Speaking foreign word] 180 00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:41,330 Boys' night? 181 00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:43,332 Leave you alone with him? 182 00:07:43,332 --> 00:07:46,683 What? So he can ship you off to some war-torn goat party 183 00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,076 and marry you off to some 12-year-old? 184 00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:49,643 I don't fucking think so! 185 00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:53,081 You are absurd, and your breath, it stinks like deli meat! 186 00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:55,431 [Laughing] 187 00:07:55,431 --> 00:07:58,478 You do not understand. 188 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,392 [Foreign word] is a time-honoured 189 00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:01,959 tradition amongst my people. 190 00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:04,309 Please, my mirage. 191 00:08:04,309 --> 00:08:06,616 And tomorrow night, you and I 192 00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:10,054 will watch Sleepless in Seattle. 193 00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:11,708 You know, two can play at this game. 194 00:08:11,708 --> 00:08:15,320 And it's called girls' night out with tongue. 195 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:18,759 I need to be drunker. 196 00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:21,109 [Applause] 197 00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:22,850 DEXTER LAINE: Good night, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Dexter Laine! 198 00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:24,547 EMCEE: Give it up for Dexter Laine! 199 00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:28,333 [Cheering] 200 00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:38,039 ♪ 201 00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:40,171 Hey, uh, Mr. Laine, Richard Fitzpatrick. 202 00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:41,259 Call me Fitz. 203 00:08:41,259 --> 00:08:42,260 Fuck off, Fitz. 204 00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:43,827 I hear you. 205 00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:45,176 All those assholes trying to get what they want from you, 206 00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:47,135 and all you want to do is unwind after your show. 207 00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:49,703 All I want to do is have regular bowel movements. 208 00:08:49,703 --> 00:08:50,921 And you deserve it. 209 00:08:50,921 --> 00:08:52,532 And you're the man, king of the road. 210 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,098 What did you say your name was? 211 00:08:54,098 --> 00:08:55,143 Fitz. 212 00:08:55,143 --> 00:08:57,188 As long as it's not Joey Bishop. 213 00:08:57,188 --> 00:09:00,452 That fucking guy could not sing for shit, and his jokes sucked. 214 00:09:00,452 --> 00:09:03,020 Oh, you got that right. 215 00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:05,457 You're not one of those rump thumpers, are you, Fitz? 216 00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:07,938 No, just want to talk a little business. 217 00:09:07,938 --> 00:09:12,247 All right, let's talk a little business on the bus. 218 00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:15,032 Ring-a-ding, ding. 219 00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:23,519 I don't think so. 220 00:09:23,519 --> 00:09:27,610 Dex! 221 00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:28,872 Fuck. 222 00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:35,096 Hello, Richard. 223 00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:36,576 Thanks, ass bandit. 224 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,926 Me? You blame this on me? 225 00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:40,492 You set me up. 226 00:09:40,492 --> 00:09:42,625 How else was I supposed to get backstage? 227 00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:45,323 There goes my celebrity endorsement deal. 228 00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:47,848 Some things are more important than deals, Richard, 229 00:09:47,848 --> 00:09:49,371 like honesty, friendship, 230 00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:51,939 using your limited time on this earth to do good. 231 00:09:51,939 --> 00:09:53,767 You see how much shit that guy sells? 232 00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:55,812 He puts his name on a fucking prune, 233 00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:58,162 and ca-ching, he's shitting gold bullion. 234 00:09:58,162 --> 00:09:59,990 Oh, that's like magic. 235 00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:01,862 No, this is our only shot at this. 236 00:10:01,862 --> 00:10:04,865 Next time he rolls through this town, we'll both be dead. 237 00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:06,649 Richard, you still have your dealership. 238 00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:08,172 Maybe that's legacy, enough. 239 00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:10,958 Great, toxic old man, psycho office manager, 240 00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:13,177 stoned mechanic who can't fix shit. 241 00:10:13,177 --> 00:10:14,178 Oh, I wouldn't say that. 242 00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:15,484 I mean, it might take him a while, 243 00:10:15,484 --> 00:10:17,747 but Josh can fix pretty much anything on wheels. 244 00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:22,143 Yeah, if Fitzy can't get to the bus, 245 00:10:22,143 --> 00:10:24,188 the bus will come to Fitzy. 246 00:10:24,188 --> 00:10:26,364 - Where are you going? - Plan B. 247 00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:32,066 [Buzzing] 248 00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:36,287 LARRY: I cannot believe you sabotaged that bus. 249 00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:38,246 Richard, plans born of corruption can only lead 250 00:10:38,246 --> 00:10:41,075 to greater corruption and anxiety-fuelled heartburn, 251 00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:42,511 which leads to premature ageing, 252 00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:43,686 which leads to death, 253 00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:45,470 which leads us right back to square one. 254 00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:46,602 Will you just close your eyes? 255 00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:48,082 It will be over before you know it. 256 00:10:48,082 --> 00:10:50,998 Look, Richard, I know you're anxious about achieving 257 00:10:50,998 --> 00:10:52,477 your dream-lounge fantasy before you die. 258 00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:53,522 Exactly, Larry. 259 00:10:53,522 --> 00:10:55,872 My dream-lounge fantasy, not yours, 260 00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:58,440 which means I can attain it however I want. 261 00:10:58,440 --> 00:10:59,963 Hey, Josh! 262 00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:01,443 Josh! 263 00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:02,966 Working girls, stat! 264 00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:04,054 And not the cheap ones from the mall. 265 00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,056 The expensive ones 266 00:11:06,056 --> 00:11:07,188 from the mall. 267 00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:09,886 And I need you to fix this bus. 268 00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:11,714 That could take weeks, though. 269 00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:16,197 I'm banking on it. 270 00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:17,720 Where the fuck am I? 271 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,635 Fitzpatrick Motors, Mr. Laine. 272 00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:21,724 Richard Fitzpatrick, we met backstage. 273 00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:22,725 Yeah, I meet lots of people. 274 00:11:22,725 --> 00:11:23,987 I bet you do. 275 00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:25,467 What did you say your name was? 276 00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:27,338 - Fitz. - As long as it's not Bishop. 277 00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:29,297 That fucking guy couldn't sing for shit. 278 00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:31,081 And you know what they said about his jokes? 279 00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:33,257 No. 280 00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:34,737 They sucked. 281 00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:36,173 I like your style, kid. 282 00:11:36,173 --> 00:11:38,959 You're not one of those derriere dandies, are you? 283 00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:41,004 No, I'm your biggest fan. 284 00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:43,180 Hey, why don't you come inside for a cocktail? Relax. 285 00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:45,226 I put my best man on this. 286 00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:49,056 Easy. 287 00:11:50,492 --> 00:11:51,928 JOSH: Hey, Kabar. 288 00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:55,932 Hey, man, listen, I need a chrome engine case for a bus. 289 00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:58,543 Yeah. Yeah. 290 00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:00,110 Put me down for a kilo, dude. 291 00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:02,591 Yeah. You said it, dude. 292 00:12:02,591 --> 00:12:04,462 Borders don't cross themselves. 293 00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:06,247 Okay, bye-bye. 294 00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:07,814 Whoa! 295 00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:09,337 Hi. 296 00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:11,078 What's with the bus? 297 00:12:11,078 --> 00:12:13,167 What bus? 298 00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:18,128 Josh, tell me about the bus. 299 00:12:18,128 --> 00:12:19,434 There's not really anything tell. 300 00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:22,089 I mean, it's just an ordinary tour bus. 301 00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:23,264 It's just-- 302 00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:24,569 [Zipper unzipping] 303 00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:28,225 [Muffled]: Now tell me about the tour bus. 304 00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:30,619 It's Plan B! 305 00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:32,186 Fitzy's ticket out of here. 306 00:12:32,186 --> 00:12:35,102 His shot at the b-b-big time. 307 00:12:35,102 --> 00:12:36,364 [Moaning] 308 00:12:36,364 --> 00:12:39,149 [Sighing] 309 00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:42,022 I got a girlfriend. 310 00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:44,372 [Woman laughing] 311 00:12:45,503 --> 00:12:46,461 DEXTER: Here we are. 312 00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:47,679 We're backstage at the Copa. 313 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,246 I'm waiting for Frank to give the nod. 314 00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:50,682 I get up to take a leak. 315 00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:53,033 That cocksucker Bishop took my cue. 316 00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:54,861 Man's got to have a crew he can count on. 317 00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:57,080 That fucking guy could not sing for shit. 318 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,952 And his jokes sucked. 319 00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:02,085 Ah, I like you, kid. 320 00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:03,652 Hey, Uncle D., 321 00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:06,524 Dex, Dex, hey, I want to talk to you about something. 322 00:13:06,524 --> 00:13:07,525 Shoot. 323 00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:08,526 It's a little business thing 324 00:13:08,526 --> 00:13:09,571 I've been working on for a while. 325 00:13:09,571 --> 00:13:11,834 Oh, stop living in the past, kid! 326 00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:13,140 For chrissake! 327 00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:14,402 Did I tell you about Miami? 328 00:13:14,402 --> 00:13:16,360 Called the Summer Wind Lounge. 329 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:19,015 That fucking Bishop could not sign for shit. 330 00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:20,060 And his jokes sucked. 331 00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:21,061 They sucked! Sucked! 332 00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:22,453 Ah, suck it. 333 00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:25,021 Hey, hey, hey, it's a real old-school lounge. 334 00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:26,762 You know, like the good old days, 335 00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:28,851 like the Sands, like the Copa. 336 00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,157 Did you see Ocean's? 337 00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:31,985 Not half the vibe it could have been. 338 00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:34,857 That was supposed to be my vehicle. 339 00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:36,076 [Glass smacking table] 340 00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:37,729 Tell me another story, Uncle D. 341 00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:39,427 This fucking kid comes running backstage. 342 00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:41,472 He says, "Jesus, Frank's fucking a boy!" 343 00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:43,300 I said, for chrissake, it's Mia Farrow! 344 00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:45,346 [Fitzy laughing] 345 00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:48,131 When men were men and-- 346 00:13:48,131 --> 00:13:49,829 Fuck Bishop! 347 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,091 Fucking Bishop! 348 00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:53,136 [Groaning] 349 00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:54,703 You make me feel young again, kid. 350 00:13:54,703 --> 00:13:57,488 Yeah, you too, buddy. 351 00:13:57,488 --> 00:14:05,540 ♪ 352 00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:10,327 [Clearing throat] 353 00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:13,200 What are you doing? 354 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,984 Just pitching in. 355 00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:16,943 Helping to repair a bus that seems to be taking 356 00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:19,293 an exorbitant amount of time to fix. 357 00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:22,905 I didn't know you were mechanically minded. 358 00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:25,952 Oh, women are capable of many things, Larry. 359 00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:28,084 Yes, yes, indeed. 360 00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:32,741 Mm, Lizzie Borden, Margaret Thatcher, 361 00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:35,135 both the Madonnas. 362 00:14:35,135 --> 00:14:38,225 Oh, we're an integral part of the ecosystem. 363 00:14:38,225 --> 00:14:41,097 We're multitaskers. 364 00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:44,057 Judge, jury, 365 00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:48,713 executioner. 366 00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:50,063 Oh? 367 00:14:50,063 --> 00:14:52,456 Did you know the female praying mantis 368 00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:53,849 has cannibalistic tendencies? 369 00:14:53,849 --> 00:14:55,590 - Nope. - Mm-hm. 370 00:14:55,590 --> 00:15:00,595 During sex she eats the male's head as he thrusts. 371 00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:01,944 You know why? 372 00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:04,033 Unh-unh. 373 00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:06,949 So he'll perform better. 374 00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:11,736 Make the most of what sad little life 375 00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:12,999 he's got left. 376 00:15:17,220 --> 00:15:18,265 [Whimpering] 377 00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:27,100 ♪ 378 00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:30,407 Sonya, where the hell are you? 379 00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:33,454 [Phone ringing] 380 00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:48,860 The fuck? 381 00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:50,993 [Ringing stops] 382 00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,690 Really, Sonya? 383 00:15:52,690 --> 00:15:55,955 Staging your own abduction not avoid girls' night? 384 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,000 Again? 385 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:02,526 Ugh! 386 00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:04,485 [Woman laughing] 387 00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:08,010 Oh, guests. Hi. 388 00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,534 A little chilly for that. 389 00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:14,582 What--? 390 00:16:14,582 --> 00:16:17,977 Uh, Richard, there are a couple of gentlemen 391 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:21,458 with guns eating my Brie. 392 00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:24,984 Yeah, can't be Rat Pack without mob contracts, shithead. 393 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,289 Mob contracts? 394 00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:27,551 For the Summer Wind. 395 00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:29,031 Giving Uncle D. and I a sweet deal 396 00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,815 on plumbing and call girls. 397 00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:33,079 Okay, Richard, Dot knows 398 00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:34,950 that you sabotaged Dexter Laine's bus. 399 00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:36,996 So? "So"? 400 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,258 She is dangerous. 401 00:16:38,258 --> 00:16:41,565 There is a foul plan afoot. 402 00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:43,915 The only plan that broad has is to nail me. 403 00:16:43,915 --> 00:16:46,483 No, I would-- I would avoid that. 404 00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:49,660 Mob contracts and death prophecy, my Brie. 405 00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:52,272 Okay, first, shut the fuck up about the prophecy. 406 00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,796 And second, you don't know squat about the way things work. 407 00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:56,798 You think Vegas was built in a day? 408 00:16:56,798 --> 00:16:57,799 The Sands, the Trop'? 409 00:16:57,799 --> 00:16:58,974 - 'Icana? - Yeah. 410 00:16:58,974 --> 00:16:59,931 He said, no, huh? 411 00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:02,195 He hasn't said shit. 412 00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:04,153 The guy can barely remember his own name. 413 00:17:04,153 --> 00:17:05,981 Between the handfuls of poppers 414 00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:07,809 and the same story over and over-- 415 00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:10,072 Fuck him! You know who! Fuck him! 416 00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:11,595 LARRY: Wait, pulls? 417 00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:13,075 Same stories? 418 00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:14,903 How old did you say he is? 419 00:17:14,903 --> 00:17:16,426 Real men don't discuss their age. 420 00:17:16,426 --> 00:17:18,559 It's rude. Alzheimer's! 421 00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:20,822 Richard, don't you see? 422 00:17:20,822 --> 00:17:22,737 Dexter is more of a mentor than you'll ever know. 423 00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:24,391 He keeps on keeping on, 424 00:17:24,391 --> 00:17:26,045 even though he can't remember what he did five minutes ago. 425 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,699 So those aren't poppers? They're meds. 426 00:17:28,699 --> 00:17:31,050 Yeah, and we need to keep him away from the alcohol. 427 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,270 Yeah, because that would really fuck his shit up, 428 00:17:34,270 --> 00:17:35,576 impair his judgement. 429 00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:36,620 Richard, 430 00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:38,361 you're feeling empathy. 431 00:17:38,361 --> 00:17:39,406 No, I'm not. 432 00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:40,798 I'm trying to figure out 433 00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:41,799 how to get him really loaded, 434 00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:44,933 so he'll sign on the dotted line. 435 00:17:44,933 --> 00:17:46,935 Of course you are. 436 00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:48,502 [Foreign word]! Mm! 437 00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:50,721 [Foreign word]! Mm. 438 00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:53,028 Cousin, I can almost hear those landmines 439 00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:54,595 exploding in the distance. 440 00:17:54,595 --> 00:17:58,033 Yes, it is just like home. 441 00:17:58,033 --> 00:18:00,079 Hey, the tribal elders might say, 442 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,951 "What is the problem, dude, huh?" 443 00:18:02,951 --> 00:18:05,040 We are not in the old country. 444 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,607 I moved on. 445 00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:08,739 You certainly moved on, from one thing only. 446 00:18:08,739 --> 00:18:10,089 And that is me, 447 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,917 the one person who always tries to make you happy. 448 00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:17,139 Meghan makes me happy too, just in other ways. 449 00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:19,141 Oh, so many ways. 450 00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:20,447 What happens, hm? 451 00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:22,275 What happens when you marry your second cousin? 452 00:18:22,275 --> 00:18:25,713 She has no place in your life. 453 00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:28,281 Those Fitzpatricks, they are the enemy! 454 00:18:28,281 --> 00:18:33,112 And deep down you know that. 455 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:37,028 [Foreign word]. 456 00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:54,524 Hey, Uncle D.! It's me, Fitzy! 457 00:18:56,222 --> 00:19:06,319 ♪ 458 00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:15,154 This isn't a fuck bus. It's just a rolling morgue. 459 00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:18,157 Where the hell am I? 460 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:23,118 Um, at the Copa, Uncle D. 461 00:19:23,118 --> 00:19:27,035 Backstage, packed house. 462 00:19:27,035 --> 00:19:30,169 Henny just finished his set, and I got good news. 463 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,779 You got the nod. 464 00:19:31,779 --> 00:19:32,780 Place of your own. 465 00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:33,955 Frankie know about this? 466 00:19:33,955 --> 00:19:34,956 Oh, yeah! 467 00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:36,479 At first he was thinking Bishop, 468 00:19:36,479 --> 00:19:38,960 but then he realized you're the man for the job. 469 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,483 Spotlight's all yours. 470 00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,224 Top name on the bill. 471 00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:44,139 Booze and hookers on the house. 472 00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:47,447 Forget it, kid. 473 00:19:47,447 --> 00:19:49,100 It's all an act. 474 00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:52,147 I haven't had real booze or pussy since '74. 475 00:19:52,147 --> 00:19:59,807 ♪ 476 00:19:59,807 --> 00:20:03,245 Mr. Laine, you are the last of an era. 477 00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:05,726 And look at you, man. 478 00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:08,119 It is what it is, kid. 479 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:09,991 I'm-- I'm going to be dead in two years anyway. 480 00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:12,036 I might only have a couple of weeks left. 481 00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:16,127 But guys like me, we need guys like you. 482 00:20:16,127 --> 00:20:17,999 And guys like us, 483 00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:20,349 we don't go out like this. 484 00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:22,656 I am worth 40 million. 485 00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:25,224 That could buy a little more time 486 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,442 or a lot of fun. 487 00:20:31,142 --> 00:20:33,232 You got to get off this fucking bus, man. 488 00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:36,365 I like your style, kid. 489 00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:37,453 Yeah. 490 00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:39,020 What did you say your name was? 491 00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:40,456 Fitz. 492 00:20:43,198 --> 00:20:45,983 Oh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. 493 00:20:45,983 --> 00:20:47,594 Hello, red. 494 00:20:47,594 --> 00:20:48,725 Fuck off, Fitz. 495 00:20:52,207 --> 00:20:55,254 Ooh, diddy like. 496 00:20:57,778 --> 00:20:59,301 Sabotaging an old man's bus, 497 00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:04,001 deals with the mob about a bar that doesn't exits, clever. 498 00:21:04,001 --> 00:21:05,960 You have no idea what you're talking about. 499 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,572 Dexter Laine and I have plans, big plans. 500 00:21:09,572 --> 00:21:11,922 It will blow this place right out of the water. 501 00:21:11,922 --> 00:21:13,837 One day, if you play your cards right, 502 00:21:13,837 --> 00:21:16,231 maybe I'll even let you climb aboard. 503 00:21:16,231 --> 00:21:17,580 We'll see how he feels 504 00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:20,801 after I tell him what a degenerate you are. 505 00:21:20,801 --> 00:21:24,892 Be my guest. 506 00:21:24,892 --> 00:21:33,117 ♪ 507 00:21:33,117 --> 00:21:36,338 Oh, hey, hey, hey, you can't smoke in here. 508 00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:38,819 I can do any fucking thing I want! 509 00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:41,996 I'm Ken fucking Fitzpatrick. 510 00:21:41,996 --> 00:21:43,389 The Germans couldn't kill me. 511 00:21:43,389 --> 00:21:44,390 The Japs couldn't kill me. 512 00:21:44,390 --> 00:21:46,043 Cancer's not going to kill me. 513 00:21:46,043 --> 00:21:47,393 You fought in the war? 514 00:21:47,393 --> 00:21:49,656 The war of high fucking prices! 515 00:21:49,656 --> 00:21:52,702 I've outlasted every dealer on this miserable strip. 516 00:21:52,702 --> 00:21:54,095 No way I'm going to let 517 00:21:54,095 --> 00:21:58,360 some scalpel jockey take my nuts. 518 00:21:58,360 --> 00:21:59,361 [Grunting] 519 00:21:59,361 --> 00:22:00,493 What's your problem 520 00:22:00,493 --> 00:22:02,582 besides your face? 521 00:22:02,582 --> 00:22:05,019 Don't joke, Daddy. I'm not in the mood. 522 00:22:05,019 --> 00:22:08,065 Ruptal and I, we-- 523 00:22:08,065 --> 00:22:09,066 I think it's over. 524 00:22:09,066 --> 00:22:10,938 Bullshit! You're a Fitzpatrick! 525 00:22:10,938 --> 00:22:14,158 We decide when it's over. 526 00:22:14,158 --> 00:22:17,510 We decide how it's going to end. 527 00:22:17,510 --> 00:22:21,905 Anything else is a pussy move. 528 00:22:21,905 --> 00:22:30,697 ♪ 529 00:22:32,307 --> 00:22:33,264 You know what the problem is 530 00:22:33,264 --> 00:22:35,441 with the rest of the world, Larry? 531 00:22:35,441 --> 00:22:37,660 They're always three drinks behind. 532 00:22:37,660 --> 00:22:38,835 I'm proud of you, Richard. 533 00:22:38,835 --> 00:22:40,359 This is real progress, 534 00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:43,100 and I'm so glad that it all worked out for once. 535 00:22:43,100 --> 00:22:47,453 It's a real legacy, built on mentorship and trust. 536 00:22:47,453 --> 00:22:51,152 Yeah, by now he's probably balls-deep in Dot. 537 00:22:51,152 --> 00:22:54,198 You--? You--? 538 00:22:54,198 --> 00:22:56,244 You left her alone with Dexter Laine? 539 00:22:56,244 --> 00:22:58,855 Yeah, a little bonus for my new partner. 540 00:22:58,855 --> 00:23:01,336 No, no, no, the praying mantis. 541 00:23:01,336 --> 00:23:02,990 She eats the head. 542 00:23:02,990 --> 00:23:04,078 She-- 543 00:23:04,078 --> 00:23:08,822 She eats the head! 544 00:23:12,478 --> 00:23:14,480 [Beeping] 545 00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:22,444 ♪ Those fingers in my hair 546 00:23:22,444 --> 00:23:26,796 ♪ That sly "come hither" stare 547 00:23:26,796 --> 00:23:29,059 ♪ That strips my conscience bare ♪ 548 00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:34,151 ♪ It's witchcraft 549 00:23:34,151 --> 00:23:38,460 ♪ And I've got no defence for it ♪ 550 00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:42,943 ♪ The heat is too intense for it ♪ 551 00:23:42,943 --> 00:23:47,426 ♪ What good would common sense for it do? ♪ 552 00:23:49,819 --> 00:23:53,954 ♪ 'Cause it's witchcraft 553 00:23:53,954 --> 00:23:57,784 ♪ Wicked witchcraft 554 00:23:57,784 --> 00:24:02,005 ♪ And although I know 555 00:24:02,005 --> 00:24:06,140 ♪ It's strictly taboo 556 00:24:07,271 --> 00:24:11,885 ♪ When you arouse the need in me ♪ 557 00:24:11,885 --> 00:24:15,889 ♪ My heart says, "Yes, indeed, " in me ♪ 558 00:24:15,889 --> 00:24:20,894 ♪ Proceed with what you're leading me to ♪ 559 00:24:24,419 --> 00:24:28,162 ♪ It's such an ancient pitch 560 00:24:28,162 --> 00:24:32,471 ♪ But one I wouldn't switch 561 00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:37,171 ♪ 'Cause there's no nicer witch than you ♪ 562 00:24:38,172 --> 00:24:40,957 [Siren wailing] 563 00:24:40,957 --> 00:24:49,618 ♪ 564 00:24:57,191 --> 00:25:01,543 We were just talking. That poor man. 565 00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:04,851 He was so-- So vital. 566 00:25:04,851 --> 00:25:05,982 So well preserved. 567 00:25:05,982 --> 00:25:07,984 A celebrity endorsement from a stiff 568 00:25:07,984 --> 00:25:09,420 is worth jack shit. 569 00:25:09,420 --> 00:25:12,511 And now I'm in Dutch with the mob. 570 00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:13,990 Thanks, cock docket. 571 00:25:13,990 --> 00:25:17,211 It's not me, Richard. We are jinxed. 572 00:25:17,211 --> 00:25:18,995 LARRY: The curse, I-- I tried to warn you. 573 00:25:18,995 --> 00:25:20,780 Warn me about what, Larry? 574 00:25:20,780 --> 00:25:23,391 Fucking what? 575 00:25:23,391 --> 00:25:26,089 You know what they say: 576 00:25:26,089 --> 00:25:28,483 tragedy always comes in threes, dude. 577 00:25:28,483 --> 00:25:30,441 [Crow squawking] 578 00:25:30,441 --> 00:25:31,704 [Josh laughing] 579 00:25:31,704 --> 00:25:35,925 One more to go. 580 00:25:35,925 --> 00:25:45,979 ♪ 581 00:25:48,111 --> 00:25:49,504 Fuck.